Well, so far, this year doesn't feel much different from the last. My hibernation continues. Haven't seen a soul, except for some checkout clerks at the grocery store, since the 31st of December. Been reading, watching TV and being obsessed with de-cluttering the house. Coldly throwing things away. Rehanging numerous paintings and other wall "ornaments" --- the house is looking pretty good, if I do say so myself.
I'm fairly content and that's what bothers me the most. I shouldn't be this content in such isolation, self-driven isolation at that. I guess I shouldn't question it ... however I've got myself convinced I'm content, should be a good thing. Would I rather be miserable? In a way, I guess, yes --- because then perhaps I'd do something to make some changes.
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Started this yesterday morning - and now it is 4:30 on the 3rd of January, 2011. Back to work tomorrow after being off since the 22nd of December .... 14 glorious days of no stress (at least no client-created stress). That all comes to a crashing halt tomorrow. And however well (or not so well) we ended 2010, this is not a clean slate and it starts all over again. I exceeded my goal by quite a bit last year and that paid off nicely. This year I have to start all over again to try to repeat that. PLUS there's the added pressure of keeping my American Airlines Gold Status for another year ... that means 25,000 in the air. So far all that I know of is Miami (conference), about 2500 miles, Seattle (Alaska trip), about 7,000 miles, and Arizona (Conference), about 5,000 miles. That's 14,500 - 10,500 miles to generate. That's a lot of client travel. If I can work in a trip to France somewhere along the line, that would be another 7,000, leaving me only 3,500 for clients. That's do-able but I don't know if France is do-able.
As much as I don't want to go back to the insanity that is my office, it's really good for me to have that structure, structured insanity, if you will. As I think is evident from some of these posts, I don/'t do all that well when there isn't anything I HAVE to do. Left to my own devices, I'd probably start growing moss within the first month or two. One reason not to retire. The other reason that I don't consider retiring is that I would have sufficient funds to survive but I wouldn't ever be able to leave the house - no dinners out, no travel, no over-buying (for self and others) --- basically, no fun. So, work I will until they find me dead at my desk. And on my gravestone simply put, "She always said this job would kill her; it took more than 25 years, but it finally did!"
Was going to write more tonight, but it's not coming. So gonna sign off for now. Next post's topic will be "I Wonder What It's Like to be 1st on Someone's List," the person who is the first person another person thinks about in good and bad times, when they want to share something, when they just want to reach out to someone.